2018. What a year. The year my life totally changed and I couldn’t be more thankful. Ava-Mae is 8 months now and I STILL can’t believe I am a Mum. Does the feeling ever sink in?
Before I had Ava, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I prepared myself for the long nights, caffeine fuelled days, dirty nappies, tears, and everything else you expect when you have a newborn. I had visions in my head that from the day I gave birth I would magically transform into this ‘Super Mum’ that would have a beautifully clean house 24/7, who managed to cook freshly prepared meals, exercise, socialise, keep on top of my beauty regime, go on regular date nights with my partner, on top of looking after an oh so demanding newborn. I soon realised this wasn’t going to happen…
Instead, from the moment your baby is born, everything else other than caring for them 24/7, is pretty much forgotten about – at least it was for me. Don’t get me wrong, now that she is 8 months old I am much more organised and better at juggling my life, but the first few months of Ava’s life, and the majority of 2018, anything else other than my baby was not important. I soon realised how much I would need my own mum, when I became a mum myself. Unfortunately my parents live about 6 hours away from, but we’re lucky they come to visit as much as possible and I’m lucky that Mitch is so understanding and let’s me go and stay with them pretty much whenever I want. But not having them around daily is hard, harder than I ever expected.
2018 and Ava-Mae taught me a lot of things. It taught me patience, god knows how much patience you need with a baby. Long nights when I was breastfeeding and she seemed to be constantly hungry and it felt like no one else in the world was awake. Or when that first little tooth comes through and they’re inconsolable and you just don’t know what to do and feel like screaming yourself. You need A LOT of patience (and the odd glass of wine).
But it’s also taught me to be a kinder and more caring person. Having a tiny precious baby that relies solely on you does that to you. It’s also taught me to not care as much what others think, and that has come from having to deal with poo explosions in public, changing Ava in the boot of my car or wherever else I can find (I hate public changing tables) , lots of meltdowns in public ( from Ava and myself!) and walking round covered in baby sick for most of the year!
I feel like I’ve grown up a lot in 2018, you can’t help but grow up when you have a baby of your own. But a lot of the time I still feel like a lost little girl, wondering if I’m doing the right thing, if I’m raising my little girl right, if I’m doing enough for her and constantly asking my own parents for advice and reassurance.
The last year has taught me a lot about my relationship with my partner. I can see how many couples don’t stay together after having a baby – it’s hard. Your relationship and life as you once both knew it is totally turned upside down overnight and it can be hard to adjust. I’ve realised just how strong me and my partner are together though, of course we have had words and arguments and lots of ‘I’m more tired than you!’. We sometimes disagree on parenting methods and what’s best for Ava-Mae and who’s turn it is to get up this time but having Ava has made us stronger as a couple. My advice is to be kind to each other, respect each other and make as much time as you can for each other – you’re both still human after-all, even though you may feel like zombies.
I’ve learnt a lot in 2018, a lot of being a mum, a lot about my little girl, my partner and a lot about myself. It’s been the best year of my life so far but I’m really looking forward to seeing what 2019 has in store and make more amazing memories.
Thanks for reading
Love Lucy x