For all pregnancy is a very exciting and magical time, it does come with a lot of lows. Both physical and emotionally.
Sometimes it can be frowned upon to complain when you’re pregnant, I do understand that – you’re growing a little person, how amazing?! But still it’s a long, hard process, and I think mums to be should be able to express their real thoughts and feelings.
For example, I woke up this morning feeling like crap. Ava’s been sleeping terribly, 18 month sleep regression we think along with teething means she’s been waking at 1am almost every night for the last couple of weeks and not going back to sleep. As you can imagine I’m tired already, but last night was a struggle. I woke up with a thick head and I’ve felt hungover all day, which is totally unfair when you haven’t had the fun the night before. I remember thinking last night how tired I was and how I’m not ready for night feeds every couple of hours again in a few months and don’t think I could do it all again or cope with a newborn. I’m struggling with one, how can I cope with two who aren’t sleeping?! I mean hopefully Ava will be back to normal by then (touch wood) but you get the picture. Once I’d woke up and had a cup of tea and some food, I felt so guilty for thinking and feeling those things and remember how excited I really was. Truth is, I actually loved those newborn night feeds, they were peaceful and precious and I can’t wait for them again. I just hope my toddler sorts her act out by March haha.
It’s not just the tiredness. It’s physical too, I haven’t seemed to have got this glow everyone talks about. My skins bad, I’m getting spots on my back and shoulders, excess random hair growth to top it off and back pain like no other. And all I’m craving is a cold bottle of white wine or Prosecco all to myself!! Anyone else crave alcohol in pregnancy?!
I’m nearly half way and still not showing much, some days you can hardly see my bump but I know one day soon I’ll be huge and when that day comes, I know I will stress and worry about my post baby body. I struggled lots growing up with body image, bad eating habits, the works (I won’t get into that in this blog, if you’re interested let me know) and it’s something I’ve overcome but still struggle with. It’s seems so petty and stupid to worry about, but I ‘bounced back’ so quickly after Ava I almost didn’t have to even think about getting back to normal, I don’t know if it’ll be so lucky the second time round.
Then we have the mood swings, I know I’ve not been easy to live with this pregnancy. I do feel sorry for my partner but know he understands. I’m trying to find time to just sit in silence, not meditate and stuff like that but just be peaceful. When Ava naps instead of putting the telly on, I’ve been just sitting for a bit with a hot drink and having a few quiet moments. Time to think, time to bond with my bump, you don’t get much time for that the second time round. I think it’s helping keep me calm and sane and not loose it basically.
I won’t go on much more but I wanted to briefly touch on guilt. I want to do a whole separate post for this but mum guilt has been a huge thing for me this pregnancy. Ava’s had my undivided attention since she’s been born. I’ve Been lucky I’ve not had to go back to work so it’s been me and her 24/7 bar a few nights, I am feeling guilty that soon it’ll all change. I don’t want her to feel pushed out or like too much has changed. Then there’s the ‘will I love the second as much? Will I be able to give him/her as much attention and time as they need?’ I know completely normal but I can’t help but worry and wonder.
Anyway I’ll talk about that in more detail in another post. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it and some of you can relate.
Love Lucy x