I have toyed with the idea of writing a blog post like this for months now. I wanted too and then I didn’t, I felt embarrassed, ashamed, nervous and just not ready to write it but I’ve always been honest in my blogs about pregnancy, motherhood and my life in general. I always share the good moments so it’s only fair I share the bad ones as some of you have been asking certain questions about my situation now so here we go…
To be totally honest, 2020 has been the hardest year of my life. Yes I got my beautiful Mabel this year, but when she was only 2 weeks old I left the girls dad and moved back in with my parents. I never thought I would be a single mum, especially so soon after giving birth. Never thought I’d end up living back with my parents and having to start over again but I have. I’m not going to go into details about what went on, but it’s been extremely difficult and heartbreaking. I’m doing better now, I feel stronger and I’m finally getting over it. I’ve realised how strong I am and that I am more than capable of raising the girls on my own. It’s tough don’t get me wrong, and not what I wanted or imagined…but I can and I am doing it.
To top things off, we sadly had to say goodbye to little Rolo last week. He broke his back and ended up completely paralysed in the space of 2 days. It was a huge shock, and such a shame. He was only 5 and was Ava’s best friend. He’s also been my little companion and constant throughout everything this year. Ava still asks for him most days which is the saddest thing ever.
There’s been a lot more that’s gone on this year too, but much too personal to share. But it’s really been the most challenging time of my life. It’s been heartbreak after heartbreak and there’s been time’s I’ve felt like I’ve finally gotten stronger then somethings happened that sets me back. Things are starting to look up though, and I’m focusing on myself and my girls and our best interests. Rather than feeling embarrassed, I’m now proud of what I’ve come through and the fact I am a single mum and how happy and loved my babies are. I’ve learnt that you can’t change things and situations, or people…sometimes you just have to accept things and move on. Which is what I’m doing.
I couldn’t have done this without the constant support from my family and friends. I just couldn’t, simple as. If 2020 has taught me anything (and probably all of you due to COVID) is not to take anything for granted…nothing is permanent – good and bad. Things can change in the blink of an eye and what you thought you knew can be turned upside down just like that. But it’s also taught me how strong I am, if I can get through this year I can get through anything.
I’ll end this here before I go on too much. Hope that’s cleared a few things up. Lots of love to you all ❤️